Yesterday was a stressful day and I forgot to write. I'm very tired all the time, which I found when I got my bloodwork done that my iron levels are VERY low and my hemoglobbin had dropped again. I got my infusion but the nurse I always have isn't going to be working anymore due to family so that's stressful. I wish her the best but it really made the whole thing easier having the same nurse that I trust doing the infusions every time.
I've been sleeping 12-15 or more hours a day and feeling tired even when I am awake and that really bothers me. I ended up getting myself to sleep last night with the help of some benedryl but I was still so exhausted that I managed to sleep all day none the less.
A lot of it is boredom I'm sure too. Hopefully I'll have more energy in California when I'll actually have a little bit more to occupy my mind that what I've got lately.
I lost another 10 pounds as well which is both good and bad. Every girl likes to lose weight but I still fear for the future when perhaps I lose too much. A symptom of my disease is weight loss and it can get to the point of being unhealthy. I hope it doesn't come to that. I like being slim but I don't want to get unhealthily slim to the point where it's a negative thing.
Too much on my mind to worry about at the moment, I wish I could just shut all of it down and stop worrying about everything. Come what may, that's how it's going to be anyway. Easier said than done I guess though.
I need some damn energy, I'm yawning again.
I'm seriously concerned that my stomach is going to decide to hate me this vacation more than any others I've done. Truth be told, every other time it's worked out and I've been good when I went away - I don't know if it's luck or maybe more a combination of my mind state being good and it reflects well on my physical health. Either way, I'm really scared. Everytime I'm reallly scared. And it's already Wednesday - I leave Saturday. I'm so excited but worried at the same time. All these what if's are killing me, I hate being sick and having to take this shit into consideration.
Please please let everything be alright, this is everything I've been looking forward to. >;\
Iron infusion is tomorrow, not looking forward to that. At least the weather isn't supposed to snow in the next few days so I don't have to worry about my flight getting off the ground, and I don't see there being snow delays through San Francisco... ;)
Keeping my fingers crossed on the health thing though....
- Music:Maroon 5 - Makes Me Wonder
I just finished Act 1... and talk about some hilarious moments. These kids are definitly amusing. I'm amused.
I also before that had a long conversation with the boyfriend.. again, so excited about this Saturday. I just hope that my sickness cooperates while I'm there like it did when I visited Florida and not how it's been since then. I'm hoping relaxation and a good mood goes a long way while I'm there. It has in the past, don't let me down now body. >;o
Pretty sure I'm bad and forgot to write again yesterday. Bad Sarah. Bad.
Last night I had a hard time getting to sleep again, I think it's because I'm overly anxious/excited about leaving on Saturday. Hard to believe it's already almost here. I finally got to sleep early this morning and then slept like the dead. I got multiple calls from the boyfriend because I told him to call me til I woke up and I just... didn't wake up. I was out hard. I finally woke up when he tried once an hour later and my brain felt like it was submerged under water. Ughhhh... so sleepy.
I was stoaked because today we were going to go see Leap Year, and I have a certain fondness for romantic comedies, and also go to Los Lobos for awesome half priced Chicken Flautas and Beef Empanadas. Well we managed to go to Hallmark to get a few 75% off ornaments and then we went to dinner but my sister got sick to her stomach at the restaurant so... no movie. Now I'm bored out of my mind again. I'm telling you I'm a boring person. I hope I don't end up boring in California. We could perhaps go to the movie sometime this week before I leave but I really despise getting out in this freezing cold - between that and my sick issues... maybe not. And I could try to convince the boyfriend to take me but who knows how that would go. Probably wouldn't be very nice of me now would it.
It's bitter bitter cold and there are piles of snow every where taller than my my parents suburban... my poor little car couldn't even get out of the garage.
I hate this weather.
- Music:Tom Petty with Mudcrutch - Scare Easy
I'm bad, I forgot to write yesterday. I completely spaced it. Gone, just like my brain.
I also managed to sleep until 5pm today. That's right, 5pm. This is what happens when it's like... 0 degrees outside and it's cold as hell in your house. My bathroom is 60 degrees, yeah aren't those fun showers. I turn the hot water all the way to max and it's still chilly where the water isn't hitting.
I also just bought 10 mystery tee's at crazydogtshirts.com. I'm excited. What will I get? Probably a lot of crap. But I'm bored. And it sounds amusing. Happy New Year's present, Sarah!
Also my mom is making lasagna, I think this is a miracle because she never makes anything good like lasagna. Miracles happen I guess.
I'm stoaked with what I bought the boyfriend for his birthday. I got half of it in the mail today and there's a slight... issue with one of the things. Uhhh... I hope it's not a big deal. I mean. I would still like it. So I hope it's alright with him too. If nothing else I can always mail it back and exchange it but... I mean... there isn't anymore of what I bought left in stock so I hope it's just okay. >;o I hate shopping for guys btw. I'm always afraid they will hate what you get them. More often than not they buy everything they want for themselves too, not that I'm more or less not the same way. My family says I'm terrible about buying everything I want and then they're screwed. Woops.
....it's too fucking cold out.
- Music:Kanye West - Homecoming (Feat. Chris Martin)
Oh look, there's more snow outside. FANTASTIC. .....pshft.
Due to the weather and the fact that my nurse wasn't going to be there today my Iron infusion got switched to next Wednesday. Getting it done 3 days before I leave. Can the days pass faster please?
Today was incredibly uneventful. Now I'm sitting here going.. well.. there's nothing on TV. I'm bored on wow. And I'm hungry but there's nothing to eat. On facebook there's a fan thing of "I look in the fridge but there's never anything to eat even though it's full" phrased in one way or another. That is so true. My fridge seems full but there's definitly nothing I want. I miss the cheap Mexican fast food places in Scottsdale. I don't even remember their names! OH YEAH, Fiesta burrito, Los Betos, those type of places. Open 24/7 with good cheap food and that... rice milk stuff. Oh yeah. Can I have that? I miss when you could have any food at any time and it didn't take 20 minutes to drive there.
It also wouldn't have 10 inches of snow or more on the ground and be beyond freezing outside.
Damn. Arizona was so much better.
....but I'm still beyond excited about California.
- Music:Gym Class Heroes - Guilty As Charged (Feat. Estelle)
Now that it's just turned midnight it's only 10 days until I get to leave the snow land that was once called Kansas and go see one of my favorite people. I am so excited I think my brain is going to fizzle.
Let me return to the fact that I'm extremely sick of snow. NO, it's not a god damn winter wonderland. It's so flat here there's no such thing as actually doing anything fun - I mean sure there's snowmen and snowball fights - but with who? My sister is 15, she doesn't want to do anything. Not to mention they don't come out and clean off these little gravel roads with any quickness, and by not with any quickness I mean they haven't done it at all. I'm trapped! And it's supposed to snow again tomorrow. Not just snow, blizzard. I have an appointment in the middle of Kansas City to get my iron shot but I'm not sure that I'll be able to go. It depends on the weather I guess. They already called off school. Why they would call off school when the weather hasn't even started I don't know - but whatever.
This state is so upside down. 2.5 years later, I'm still here even though I didn't intend to be and I still REALLY don't like it. Have I said how excited I am to be in California for the greater part of the next two months? Yeah. About that. Yes please.
- Music:Gym Class Heroes - Kissin' Ears (Feat. The-Dream)
I'm not a fan of this agreement that I've made to write daily. What do I have to say? Nothing interesting that's for sure. I know I'm bored out of my mind. You can never write anything interesting when you're bored. All you can do is bitch about being bored - and you know what they say about those who are bored. Bored is for boring people. That makes me a boring person.
Also, I hate my internet. I could be less bored if I could do cool things on wow that cool kids do that you can't do when you have minimum 2000ms. Whoever's idea it was to live in the country, they were genius. Oh wait, that was part mine. Ignorance that somewhere could be backward enough to not have up to date internet, at the least dsl. But no. Not for me. Terribad satellite internet it is. Burn in hell Basehor, Kansas. I hate you. I hate you because you have better internet than I do even though my address is in your town. Yeah. That's irony. What's more ironic is they get good internet at the end of my street. But at my house? No.
Can I please be in California already? 12 days and inc.
It has been requested of me to write about something once a day. As much fun as it would be to open up word pad, why not use Semagic.
I know, I don't use livejournal anymore, I hardly ever update, the people I used to talk to I don't have the faintest idea what has become of them.
I still am playing WOW. I'm still sick. The two kind of coincide. I've been in the same guild for two years now and it has changed so much in a not good way. I don't even raid anymore.
I do have a boyfriend, which is a new development. I think this one might finally be the sweet, good guy, makes you laugh, enjoy spending time with and want to kiss constantly kind that I've been missing. I feel crazy about him and he seems to be really crazy about me too. Wouldn't that be weird? Someone that I was finally on the same mutual ground with? Not they care about me more or I care about them more - mutual caring. I don't think I've ever been in that situation oddly enough.
The last relationship was a fucking.... it ended badly. And because he apparently was naive and not ready for a mature adult relationship. I cared about him a lot, It hurt when it ended - but it's like the song - "There's one thing I want to say so I'll be brave. You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave. I'm not sorry I met you. I'm not sorry it's over. I'm not sorry there's nothing save."
I have hope though. And that's what counts.
- Music:Stars - Your Ex-Lover is Dead
In weird news I think I might end up needing glasses. I used to have 20/20 and 20/15 vision - however way you put it. Perfect vision in one eye and better than in the other. Now I'm having a hard time reading text/signs that are at a distance.
I think I'd look terrible with glasses. Let's hope I'm just nuts instead of actually having a decline in my eyesight.
Also I remembered that I'm overdue for a vitamin B12 shot. Maybe that's why I've been so fucking tired all the time. Well, part of it anyway.
Boredom has become overbearing. Afterall. I'm writing in my journal, how often does that happen?
- Music:Tom Petty - Breakdown