In weird news I think I might end up needing glasses. I used to have 20/20 and 20/15 vision - however way you put it. Perfect vision in one eye and better than in the other. Now I'm having a hard time reading text/signs that are at a distance.

I think I'd look terrible with glasses. Let's hope I'm just nuts instead of actually having a decline in my eyesight.

Also I remembered that I'm overdue for a vitamin B12 shot. Maybe that's why I've been so fucking tired all the time. Well, part of it anyway.

Boredom has become overbearing. Afterall. I'm writing in my journal, how often does that happen?

I was wasted in the afternoon, waiting on a train. I woke up in pieces and Elisabeth had disappeared again. I wish you were inside of me, I hope that you're ok, I hope you're resting quietly, I just wanted to say -
"Goodnight Elisabeth."

We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns. Some of us are dancers on the midway and we roam from town to town. I hope that everybody can find a little flame. And Me? I say my prayers, then I just light myself on fire and I walk out on the wire once again. And I said, "Goodnight Elisabeth."

I will wait for you in Baton Rouge. I'll miss you down in New Orleans. I'll wait for you while she slips in something comfortable and I'll miss you when I'm slipping in between. If you wrap yourself in daffodils then I will wrap myself in pain. And if you're the queen of California then baby I am the king of the rain.

And I said, "Goodnight Elisabeth, the moon's a satellite." Why don't you fall down on me now? Cause I'm all alone and you ain't coming home, we just settle down in bone.










Year after year somehow this song still seems to feel like it bleeds the feelings that I have inside me. I can still close my eyes and feel like that the music itself... who the hell knows anymore. Except I know.. that one day I woke up in pieces and I found that I had disappeared again.

It's cold here. It's always fucking cold here. I hate snow. I hate cold. I hate kansas.

I'm sick. I'm always fucking sick. I hate being sick. I hate being tired. I hate being sick and tired.

And I'm not in one of those need for optimistic/inspiration bullshit responses moods. I'm simple stating facts.

Life is uneventful. The doctors have yet to let me back to work and there is no ETA as to when I will be able to go back. Spring at least I'd guess. This new medication they're putting me on has been taken off the market twice and has a 1/1000 chance of giving you a fatal brain disease. Somehow. The chance is up to 1/4000 now. I'm still not too thrilled.

Christmas was always my favorite time of the year and I haven't even been able to do my christmas shopping. I doubt I'll feel well enough to eat any christmas foods, even if I did I'd bet I'd regret it later when it made me sick (afterall food always makes me sick). SO, this will likely be the first completely miserable fucking bullshit waste of fucking Christmas. Fantastic.

So with no other shining happy news to report....... I don't even know why I logged on here. Hmmm.

What was that line? "Hello, you've reached the winter of our discontent."

I got my fingers crossed on a shooting star.
And the same black line that was drawn on you,
was drawn on me and now it's drawin' me in.

I woke up Wednesday morning, or sometime Wednesday evening, hoping for a piece of something easy to believe. When you live out on the border of everything and nothing there's nothing but waking and dreaming. I'm barely out of Tuesday. There's no one to receive me and nothing is changing.

When I say I'm back from hiatus, apparently it means... very little.

My return seemed to last for ONE NIGHT ONLY, the night of the post. And my hiatus continued. For almost another month. Will it continue after this? Perhaps.

Nikki will be here on Wednesday and that is something to be excited about. Although I heart my... now lvl 64 Warlock. I'd much rather see Nikki and cause trouble. Not sure what will be going down exactly - but breast plumping and renaissance festivals will be a part of the joy.

After the hospital fun and multiple doctor's visits, some blood transfusions and lots of pills - I'm starting to feel more human. Given, today I had a bit of FUN. And by fun I mean a lot of pain.




....now I suddenly feel so tired I can't keep my eyes open.

goodnight.

I have returned from my hiatus.






Life. Right? Pretty much.

I work. I finished HP7 and Eclipse. I turned 21. I went to Arizona. I had an amazing birthday. I met a friend who is moving here to KC. I play a lot of wow. My lvl 49 lock owns my face. I'm ready to get the hell out of this house and do something. Will October get here already?

I've ran out of poetic things to say. As you may be able to tell.

Until further notice, which I should have left a notice about weeks ago, I won't be looking on livejournal.

I haven't finished the final Harry Potter book. I need to finish reading it but I'm slacking. Once this book is over, the WHOLE series is over. And I just don't like that all together too much.

And I discovered WoW. And I guess I sold my soul. Some of you know what I mean. x.X

I lost internet for a about a week but I'm not sure how much I would have been on anyway. I got really sick. Then got lots of pills. Now I feel significantly better. I can't complain about that.

I actually have an "apartment" now. The bedroom and living room are finished and furnished. I just need to get to those boxes...

I've been reading. A lot. A lot of crap. But that's fine. I just got the four books I ordered in the mail today. I didn't expect them until after the 4th. How pleasant.

It rained for three days straight. Interesting. Had car problems, windshield wiper problems.

I've had to spend way too much money.

I hope I can afford everything.

I hope Matt likes what I'm getting him for his birthday. But he probably won't. Aw. Sad. What the hell should I get him. What to buy guys when you can't do dvd's, cd's or video games and it has to fit on a plane. Fantastic.

Matt AND Nikki are going to be here on the weekend of 7-7-7 for our Saturday night 4th of July party!

So excited!

I'm loved!